


A Good Man and a Better Bullet

by Villinye (AslansCompass)



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Crack, Gen, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-15
Updated: 2014-02-15
Packaged: 2018-01-12 14:29:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 510
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1188645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AslansCompass/pseuds/Villinye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack really should be careful with this new version of the Doctor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Good Man and a Better Bullet

 

 People hurried along the streets of Cardiff oblivious to the blue police box that hadn't been there a moment ago, much less the young man in tweed and a bow tie who just stepped out of it.

"Doctor, where are we?" Someone called from inside the box.

"Nowhere important, just Cardiff. It would have to be Cardiff, wouldn't it? Can't believe I got stuck here. Why here?" The Doctor wrapped on the door. "It's not like you need refueling. I was going to take her to see something really amazing. There's planets, galaxies, satellites, moons, nebulas–even gravel quarries-and it would be Cardiff"

"Doctor?" Someone shouted from across the road. A man in a greatcoat darted across the road, yelling in his direction. "Hey, where's the Doctor?"

"Doctor? What Doctor?" The Doctor firmly shut the door.

"I recognize the TARDIS, now where is he?"

"TARDIS?" The Doctor shrugged casually. "What's a TARDIS?"

"That's a TARDIS. My name is Jack Harkness, I–oh, never mind. Where's the Doctor?"

"Doctor, who's outside with you?"

The Doctor rolled his eyes. "Thanks, dear."

"Doctor?" Jack stared at him. "I thought you going to regenerate last time I saw you. What happened to the face?"

"Fell out of the sky in a burning TARDIS. I was happy enough to have legs."

"Well, I was going to invite you to a lovely bar, but I don't think that it would let you in without some ID. Don't think even the physic paper would work with that babyface." Jack studied him for a moment. "Like the hair, but that bowtie has got to go."

"River!" the Doctor called. "Get him away from me."

A bullet broke through the door and landed in the pavement by Jack's feet.

"I didn't say shoot him!" the Doctor yelled. "What have I told you about guns in the TARDIS! Bad guns, bad bad guns."

River opened the door, gun in hand. "Captain Jack Harkness, former Time Agent and head of Torchwood Three. Also quite the …well, machine."

"My reputation precedes me."

"I met your executioners on Hetion IV."

"Which pair?" Jack smirked.

"They told me all about you."

"Good report, I should think."

"Good enough to know you deserve this." River fired twice, sending a bullet into each of his shoulders.

"River!" The men exclaimed in unison.

"Oh, don't worry, you're immortal."

"Yeah, but it still hurts," Jack winced.

"Good." River fired once more, sending a slug into his chest. "I meant it to."

"Sorry, Jack. River, we really must be going now, see you some other time Jack," The Doctor began shoving River towards the TARDIS. "What was that all about?"

"I needed the practice." River smiled. "And I didn't want him getting any ideas, Sweetie. You're mine. All mine."

* * *

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.  
  
This story archived at <http://www.whofic.com/viewstory.php?sid=44432>

**Author's Note:**

> I'm really not that fond of Jack to begin with, and Barrowman's recent comments about a Torchwood film didn't make me any happier. I can't see Jack and Eleven working together under any circumstances.
> 
> * * *


End file.
